Transformers: The Move: Abridged
by The lovable writer
Summary: An abridged and funny cut down of the so so movie.
1. Chapter 1

_In the Begining, there was the Universe, Eternal, Infinate, Beautiful..... than Hasbro ruled it not to be profitable enough. And with this, they created the Deux Ex Machina, and with it the plot was formed. For a while we existed peacefully, turning in nice profit with the toy range and TV series, but than, with the dawning of the 21st century, came Transformers: The Live Action Movie..._

**_Plot 1: Action packed relevant plot in Iraq..._**

"So anyway, I have a wife, a child, I haven't left the army and gone through that whole post traumatic stress stuff that destroys your life and makes you kick your dog or whatever, so life is pretty good." Rugged White Soldiers says to people who probably already know this.

"And I'm quite querky with my Spanish tongue, plus I frequently reference family so I haven't alienated them with the long trip abroad, so life, according to Google Translator, is Gran." Querky Black Soldier also randomly tells people.

"And I'm also querky. We'd probably be missed if we fell under some mysterious attack." Other Black Soldier explains.

A mysterious attack ensues, and an entire generation of children are introduced to Michael Bay, and his obsession with blowing shit up.

"Fear us for we are giant robots with a generic motive!"

And before you can say "alien technology is compatable with microsoft?" they are hacking into the system.

"No! They're hacking the system. They'll pass my birthday/ password in minutes. Blow up the system with an axe." The Commander yells in fear,

"What sir?"

"It's a Michael Bay film! Just blow stuff up!" The Commander explains.

The Decepticon Blackout, I mean mysterious enemy is repulsed, leaving the base and the few characters who got lines in the scene starnded in the middle of the Desert, or Dessert.

**_Plot 2: Exposition/ Thriller Plot that is slightly relevant though not really neccesary in the Pentagon..._**

"The Quatar base was destroyed yetserday, which is why I'm leaving it up to you, good looking 20 something year olds to save the day through skills." Minister of Important Stuff explains.

The people are left with a difficult task. They face an enemy determined, hiding amongst the land, well armed and with only one desire, to see their enemy in flames. They also have to deal with the Transformers but that's an easy enough task with a few minor characters.

"This could be the work of an organic, sentient technology." Australian Girl guesses randomly but accurtaly.

"What makes you so sure this rather obscure guess is correct. It could be Cobra Commander and Destro?"

"Mark my words! It's giant robot I tell you! Giant Robots!"

**_Plot 3: Comic Relief/ Romance Plot Line..._**

"So anyway, I'm selling my Great Grandads glasses on E-Bay is anyone wants them." Sam Witwicky, the apparently_ teenaged_ hero announces.

"Sam Witwicky! He was your Great Grandad and this is a History project! Have you no shame!" The Teacher yells at him.

"I worked as a Disney Poster boy, Evens Stevens for 4 years before we had a slightly enlarged TV episode we marketed as a movie. I lost definition of that word along time ago."

"Oh, well, B minus." The Teacher decides.

"I'm Shia LeBouf! Give me an A!"

"Whatever, this is my last scene anyway." The Teacher decides before fading from movie existence.

**_Later..._**

"So anyway, I got the A, I get a car, right." Sam asks.

"Sure son, and I'll give you the same words my Dad gave to me when I got a car, "Son, if I grab the wheel or apply the hand break without your consent, it's not cause of your driving ability, it's because I fear you'll kill me."

**_To be continued..._**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Plot 1: In the Middle of the Dessert, or Desert..._**

"So, middle of no where, nobody will know what happens. Want to sing High School Musical songs?" Rugged Soldier suggests.

"Lets just walk. Kid, is your village near by?" Bold White Leader Soldier asks.

"It is." Arab boy confirms.

"Does it have a phone?" The Leader ask also.

"What? You assume just because we are Arab that we lack such basic technology as phones?!"

"Uh, so you do?" The ;eader soldier asks.

"We have one basic mobile. Now shut up."

Little do they know that as they walk away a giant robot scorpian is watching them. What kind of weird ass car did he copy?

**_Plot 2: Still in the Pentagon..._**

"So, is it North Korea whoose doing this?" Pentagon Guy asks.

"No. It's something bizzare..." Aussie Girl begins.

"Iran? China maybe? Perhaps a Middle Eastern country." Pentagon Guy suggests.

"Are you looking for an actual answer, or a country to invade?" Aussie Girl asks.

"It's 2007, the Bush administration is on its last year. We're just doing whatever the hell we want now with very little excuse. So do you have a little excuse?"

**_Plot 3: Calafornia? Maybe, listen I'm not American so I have no idea where we are are right now..._**

"I like this car." Sam suggests

"It looks like a pile of crap and

Than, in a brave and heroic move from the hidden Auto-bot, he destroys every car in the store, crippling a poor mans business for the rest of his life and dooming him and his family to poverty. Truly a simple of heroism.

"Damn it, would it be tacky if we made a joke about the shop owner, Bernie Mac being dead?" Sam wonders.

**_Later that Day in where ever the hell we are..._**

After a bad party Sam sees his crush, 30 something stripper,_ I mean teenaged student, _Mikaela Banes. Sam contemplates pursuing her, his heart alive with an emotion a fan-fictioneer simply can't explain due to the fact that it's probably never gonna happen. As he approaches, his mysterious car, begins the timeless classic, "Whose Gonna Ride you Home?"

"Hay, Michael, can I ride you home, not that ride is symbolic for the sexual activity which resembles riding someone, or that home is a symbol for sexual ending and orgasms." Sam suggests.

"Yeah, real smooth." Mikaela comments.

"Did I mention I'm Shia LeBouf?" Sam mentions.

"I'm all yours." Mikaela "Slut" Banes says.

**_That Night..._**

"Dear God my cars being stolen! Not on my first day of having it! Now I know how David Goyer feels." Sam yells.

**_For those of you who don't know who David S Goyer is, he is a popular though considerably unknown writer/ director/ guy who vaguely out lines Batman films. On his first day out of a College he sold his first script and used the money to buy a car. That same night the car he bought was stolen. But he got his own back about the presumably movie loving thief by disappointing us with Blade 3, The Unborn and _****_Jumper. Right now he's outlining another Batman film, basically meaning he's doing what every other fan-fic guy is doing only he's getting paid. Oh yeah, while I've been saying this Sam has chased the car to the Junkyard._**

"Dear God. My car is alive!" Sam yells in shock.

**_To be Continued...._**

**_Please Review! Please! It's a Snow Day! It'll be one tommorow! I need something to do! Review, challenge me to put in odd words into my next chapter! Please! I'm so bored!!!_**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Transformers, the film considered less controversial than GI Joe would have been, but involving more Middle East._**

**_Plot N/A: G.I Joe Command Centre, AKA The Pit_**

"Sir, according to the radars, we've got a major problem!" Breaker yells.

General Hawk hears the cry of battle, and standing up behind a convenient American flag and bald eagle, producing an innocent newly born baby and the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ from his desk, he gazes out to an invisible camera, and growls:

"It's time to kick some COBRA butt."

"Actually sir, it's a bizarre meteor storm." Breaker explains.

"Oh well, I don't think we're trained to deal, with non-COBRA threats. Are the meteors COBRA related?" Hawk asks.

"No sir, just bizarre meteor storm, heading for California." Breaker continues.

"Not Destro working free-lance? I'll stretch as far as Zartan!"

"Sir, are we going to do anything!?"

"What do you think Snake Eyes?"

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

**_Plot 3: Meteor Impact Sites..._**

"This is much more awesome than Armageddon!"

"You're fired." Michael Bay orders.

**_Plot 2: Yeah, we're still at the Pentagon..._**

As Air Force One falls under attack, with no Harrison Ford in sight, the Pentagon is once again left helpless and without a clue. So nothing new really.

"They've hacked Air Force One, stolen files and inserted a virus that is crippling national security!" Aussie Girl exclaims.

"Dear God, nuke Iran, North Korea, any country before we no longer have the ability to nuke any countries at all!" Pentagon Official yells.

"Screw this, me and my Australian accent are out of here!"

**_At a Hacker legends house..._**

"Ice Monsters, Captain Witwicky, Alien Worlds, Plot Devices, Sector 7, Optimus Prime is Megatrons brother? What the hell is this!" Hacker Supreme wonders.

Suddenly the mysterious Sector 7 burst in. A series of antics ensue as each of the fat comic relief characters run. And because they're fat and black, it's instantly hilarious.

"You're under arrest for spoiling the movie plot!" Sector 7 yells.

**_Plot 3 again, sorry, Michael Bay is a bitch to abridge, no offence to Michael Bay, I would gladly swallow my pride any day of the week to work for you._**

Before him stand the Transformers, Robots in Disguise.

"Dear God, an army of giant robots! Are you from Japan?" Sam Witwiticky yells out.

"No. We are from the great planet of HASBROiam." Their Leader assures.

"Hang on, you speak English?" Sam wonders.

"Yes, we learned it from the Internet, which was misleading as it seemed to indicate the entire human population stripped off their clothes and had mad sex at any given point. Anyway, here is my team. I'm Optimus Prime. This is Jazz, he doesn't do much notable things but apparently we're best friends. That's Iron Hide, he learnt his English language from YouTube."

"I'm Ironhide Bitch! LOL you noobs!"

"That's Ratchet, medical officer, who learn his English from Wikepedia." Optimus Prime continues.

"By the looks of things Shia LeBouf wants to engage in sexual intercourse with Megan Fox. Editing. Shia LeBouf is speculated to have had a relationship with Megan Fox, citation needed." Ratchet recites, citation needed.

"And that's Bumblebee, he can't speak and Ratchet can't fix him, which basically makes Ratchet pointless at the one thing he was created to do. Sam, we need your Great Grandads glasses. Many centuries ago the great Deux Ex Machina landed on this planet. Are enemies pursued, but their Leader Megatron was frozen in the Antarctic. When you Great Grandad found it many centuries ago he had the navigation systems which magically imbued onto his glasses. And to top off this exposition bombardment, we have 24 hours left to do it!"

"What?" Sam says confused.

"Sorry, I learnt my English from bad 24 fan-fictions."

"Wait, back to the glasses, I'll get them." Sam decides.

**_At Sams House..._**

"Sam, what are you up too?" Sams Mother demands, suspicious in only the way a Mother can be.

"I have a girl in the room. Meet Megan Fox, she's appeared on Maxim Twice, once naked. This whole thing has got nothing to do with giant transforming alien robots. It's more related to possible sexual relations, which don't involve giant robots." Sam monologues.

"Alright, you win dear, he isn't gay." Mother sighs.

"Oh yeah, I just won $20!" Father cheers.

**_Plot 1: Still in the Desert, or Dessert, I swear I'll look it up soon!_**

"This is the only line of dialogue we get!"

**_To be continued..._**


	4. Chapter 4

**_Sorry for the wait, I was trying to get an article into , long story short not this week. Anyway, I haven't searched how to spell Scorponics and I'm not 100% sure which desert it is but here is another part..._**

**_Plot 1: Small Desert village..._**

"We've finally made it to the village, and it only took two chapters of fillers!" Rugged White Soldier says with relief.

"My boy! You've been missing 2 weeks! Where have you been!" The Town Talking character says.

"On a top secret military base. The one Uncle went to, to get those 72 virgins, they weren't there by the way." Arab kid answers.

"Yeah, well anyway, you want to use my mobile?"

"Yeah, oh by the way whatever was chasing us might unleash untold death and destruction onto your small village with little means of protection." Rugged White Soldier mentions.

Scorponic emerges, no transformation mode, no standard decepticon look, just one weird ass machine determined to blow stuff up.

"Call the airforce and we'll shoot at stuff!" Black Soldier orders.

Explosions ensue, Arab cannon fodder eats cannon. Scorponics stands there and randomly shoots at nothing in particular. Soldiers shoot and inflict no damage, but still keep shooting anyway. After each proves equally bad at fighting the air-force come in.

_Face the wrath of the US air support!_

"My tail, I need that for spearing people!" Scorponics cries out and runs away.

**_The Pentagon..._**

"Dear God! That's the most insane thing I've ever seen!" The President exclaims.

"I know, a giant robot scorpion." Pentagon guy admits.

"Oh, sorry, I was watching Christian Bale go berserk on the T4 set. But yeah, that's weird shit as well." The President replies.

**_Plot 3: Comic Relief plot line_**

"We represent Sector 7. You're under arrest!"

"I'm Shia LeBouf, bitch! Eat giant robots."

Ironside descends upon them armed with guns, intimidation, and the latest Internet meme fueling his English language.

"What the f**k! What the f**k! What are you doing!" Ironside yells.

"Trying to arrest Shia LeBouf!" Sector 7 say humbly.

"Well I hope it worked cause you and I are done professionally! Michael Bay! Get over here!" Christian Bale/ Ironside yells.

**_Back up arrives..._**

"You're under arrest. And so is Bumblebee over there for being a giant robot!"

**_Plot 2: Interrogation Cell..._**

"I'm not gonna make in prison, I'm do pretty." Master Hacker laments.

"Do they do the same stuff in female prisons? _(brief break while I search google images) _Yes, they do, and my eyes will never be the same again." Aussie notes.

"Good news, turns out your theory about giant killers transforming robots was right." Sector 7 guy informs.

"You're going to sector 7." Another agent informs.

**_Wonder Plots 1 + 2 + 3 unite! Shape of, an Overly Epic Plot Exposition!_**

"HUNDREDS! of years ago the DUEX EX MACHINA! landed on EARTH!!! and so did MEGATRON!!! in ANTARCTICA!!! Using are massively advanced CRYOGENIC TECHNOLOGY!!! to trap MEAGTRON!!! which, we naturally had in the 1930's even if there were depressions and WARS!!! on, we trapped MEGATRON!!! and the DUEX EX MACHINA!!! in HOOVER DAMN!!!, and I think the PYRAMIDS!!! were involved in all this too somewhere. The PRESIDENT!!! has been maintaining this SUPER SECRET CONSPIRACY!!! all this time with the help of SECTOR 7!!! We also think the DECEPTICONS!!! were involved in blowing up that MARS PROBE!!! a while back. It had nothing to do with SECOND CLASS TACKY BRITISH INCOMPETENCE!!! EPIC!!!!"

**_To be Continued..._**


	5. Chapter 5

**_Super Wonder Plot: The Hoover Damn..._**

"We need to free Bumble Bee!" Sam begs.

"No. I'm the closest thing this film has to a human villain, so whatever will get us killed, I'm doing that." Sector 7 agent decides.

The soldiers suddenly unleash their might and over-power the guards in a string of power house blows that leave you wondering, why were a team of Sector 7 guards over came by a few soldiers, and why were they allowed to carry their guns?

"Do it!" Bold White Soldier orders.

"I'll never crack." Sector 7 agents says with defiance.

"Do it or I'll blow your head off!" Bold White Soldier orders with the barrel of the gun.

"I'll take you to him right now." Sector 7 agents says with a love for living.

**_Meanwhile with the Transformers, robots in disguise..._**

The Transformers all gather together around a giant telescope, the Universe now at stake, or steak.

"So using the power of this giant telescope lying around here, and these magical glasses with the location of the all-spark imbuned upon them I deduce it's where all the main characters are." Optimus Prime says.

And in a puff of smoke and the word Shazam later another plot obstacle, !!!_disappears!!!_

"This is madness." Jazz mutters.

"No this is Sparta!" Ironside yells.

"O.K, that's getting boring Ironside. Download English from somewhere else. 4chan maybe."

**_And back at Hoover Damn..._**

"The entire power is shut down! We're doomed damn it, doomed!" Pentagon official yells.

"Would you care to elaborate on that rather vague summary?" Sam asks.

"We're really doomed damn it, really doomed." Pentagon Official clarifies.

"Well it can't get any worse than this." Sam mutters.

**_In the Megatron containment room..._**

"Is it a bad thing when the ice starts to melt?"

"No, now just stand here while I tell my wife I love her."

**_Back at Hoover Damn..._**

"Well we've definitely reached rock bottom now." Sam accepts.

**_Across the Planet..._**

"We've located the Duex Ex Machina thanks to Frenzy." Bone Crusher (that sounds like one of their names, right?) announces.

"All Hail Mega, no I'm not saying it, I'm bloody Starscream! I don't hail Megatron, I talk about how I'm gonna bloody ram the Empire State Building down Megatrons throat! In front of Megatron! It's totally out of character. If you guys need me, I'll be destroying the Hoover Damn."

**_Back at the Hoover Damn..._**

"That seems about as bad as we can get." Sam states.

"I've got a brilliant idea! We can transport the Duex Ex Machina in the middle of the city and use human bodies for protection."

"Listen I'm just gonna shut up now." Sam decides.

**_To Be Continued..._**


	6. Chapter 6

**_Megatron Containment Room..._**

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you all. Without using the letter I, C, or O." Megatron orders.

"We, are very rad, guys, that help, uh, fequently?" Scientist begs.

"Not a good enough reason. Die." Megatron decides.

**_Within the Hoover Damn..._**

"How do we contact reinformcments without mobile phones!" Hacker Master wonders.

"Wait. What did we do before mobile phones?" Aussie speculates.

"We've always had mobiles? They were her since the begining of time." Hacker Master/ General American population states.

"Did they have phones during the war?" Aussie wonders.

"I assume so. Wait, they also had morse code! For when they couldn't get a signal!" Hacker Master realises.

"We're saved!" Pentagon Guy exclaims.

Frenzy arrives in a moment of carnage as he opens fire with an array of ninja death stars.

"We're doomed again!" Pentagon Guy shrieks.

**_Outside Hoover Damn..._**

"I forgot to ask. What does the Duex Ex Machina do that makes it so deadly?"

"It turns stuff into transformers. Than it gives them machine guns. It also makes people act in really retarded ways."

"Like going into a highly populated city knowing an army of giant killer robots will follow?"

"Yeah, kind of like that. Like the giant one coming are way now."

Bonecrusher desends upon them.

**_Back in the Hoover Damn..._**

"You can not defeat me. I've taken out squadrons of FBI agents. Soliers have fled in fear of me. I've brought the world to its knees! Eat Ninja Stuff!" Frenzy declares.

The entire wrath of Frenzy descends upon him. Than in a remarkable, earth shattering attack, Frenzy descneds upon the pathetic rabble with his blades spinning. The battle cries, the shimmer of spinning metal of fury, the anger in his rush. Than.......................................

...............................his attack than misses and it kills him.

"That was oddly easy." Aussie notes.

**_On the Motorway..._**

"Nice try Bone Crusher. But I've got no bones to crush." Optimus quips.

"That's your joke before you kill me. Wow, you know, so witty, why couldn't Ironhide of killed me?!" Bonecrusher sighs.

"Ironhide, I thought his name was Ironside?" Optimus asks.

"No, common mistake, his names Ironhide. We've just been mispelling it throughout the entire story."

"Oh thanks, now die!"

**_In City..._**

"I think we're alright." Sam speculates.

Megatron descends and kills a bunch of people.

"I should probably stop talking now......................... we're probably O.K now." Sam hopes.

Bumblebee's legs come off.

"Listen Sam, why don't you just take this Duex Ex Machina and walk away. I think you can do that without screwing up." Optimus kindly asks.

Sam trips and falls. A blood bath ensues as bitter machines everywhere turn and kill everyone.

"No! He cut my arms off, I'm a widowed piano player with a morgage and 4 kids. Damn you Shia Le Bouf, I hope your hands are crippled in a car accident!"

_Epic Forshadowing alert..._

Meanwhile a battle ensues as Meagtron descends upon the Autobots. Quite literally, there quite short.

"You want a piece of me! You want a piece!" Jazz orders.

"No! I want two!" Megatron laughs as he snaps Jazz in two.

"Megatron. Why don't you pick on someone who isn't small enough to be torn in pieces." Optimus orders.

"That's kind of hard, almost all of your men are rather small, accept you, you'd be alright to pick on." Megatron wonders.

"That's what I was trying to insinuate by mentioning size. I'm picking a fight!" Optimus sighs.

"Oh, O.K." Megatron decides.

"Than One Shall Stand and One Shall Fall." Optimus monologues.

"You do know that last time you said that, you were the one who fell, after I beat the hell out of you." Megatron notes.

**_To Be Continued..._**

**_This chapter was dedicated to the memory of Jazz. He was an Autobot second-in-command, and even though he basically did nothing, Optimus Prime said he was second in command, so I suppose we should give a little nod to that fact, that Optimus said it. So let us all remember Jazz, an Autobot that died too young. Presumably he'll be missed:_**

**_"Jazz was apparently a good friend according to the script. I briefly met him for 10 seconds when we weren't filming, and even though I wanted to tear him in half immediatly, the script said we were friends, so I went along with it. I imagine I'll miss him when I read the next scene." -Optimus Prime, Autobot Leader._**

**_"You have no idea how great that felt to tear him in two!" -Megatron, bad Mother F--ker._**

**_"Was he the one that I made out on with Megan Fox?" -Shia Le Bouf, Indiana Jones illegitimate son and franchise wrecker._**

**_O.K, maybe not than._**

**_R.I.P Jazz...._**


	7. Chapter 7

**_This is dedicated to Animekitty47, who in one day reviewed all my abridged projects, and made me so happy I volunteered to bring the biscuits into my Engish Class, but that's a whole different story which I wont go into now..._**

"So, battle of the film. First major robot on robot action, uh, robot on robot, dear goodness, I hope no fan-fiction writer does the unthinkable." Optimus thinks aloud.

_(SPOILER) They do! I was only looking for some herosexual human stuff but no! You guys just don't do normal stuff! (SPOILER)_

Megatron punches, and punches again, and tosses Optimus Prime about. Than he keeps attacking him. Than he throws him through a building.

"Even though I probably killed countless civilians in those clashes in a scared city, I have to keep fighting." Optimus decides.

"You call this a fight? It's just me kicking the metalic crap out of you!" Megatron exclaims.

"But I'm doing it with a cause."

**_Meanwhile, all the Decepticons have been defeated, what, you think I was gonna bother thinking of Jokes for all of them, oh yeah, but Starscreams O.K..._**

"I'm off Megatron!" Starscream yells.

"Wait! We're winning even though we've failed to kill any humans and only one robot." Megatron begs.

"Well consider that next time you say I failed you."

"You did fail me, and so did all the other who just got killed cause you didn't get the Allspark and gave the Autobots time to get here."

"So!" Starscream exclaims.

"So! Don't you remember those care free days in pre-school?" Megatron asks, his head shaking with disappointment.

"Oh yeah........."

**_Flashback to Cybertron..._**

_In their robot clubhouse/ robot tree house the gang of juvenile robot detectives prepare for their next case..._

"Gang! We've got a case! There's been a mysterious robbery and people say ghosts did it!" Starscream announces.

"Than we better split up and search for clues!" Optimus Prime decides. "As always my best friend Megatron will be on my team."

"Scorponic ponics doo!"

**_Later that day..._**

"Old man Unicron did it." Megatron concludes.

"But we've only had 4 illogical chase sequences, 9 incidents of bad canned laughter and only given out one Scorponics snack." Optimus gawps.

"He's the only bloody talking character we've met! And he has a ghost constume in his living room! And he says it's him!!!" Megatron yells with frustration!

"That's not the Autobot way!" Optimus reasons.

"I'm a Decepticon for goodness sake!" Megatron yells.

"Damn it man! We're too different! From now us I disown you and declare you my arch-enemy!" Optimus decides.

"Little extreme isn't it?"

"I'm sorry, I can't here you over you being my arch-enemy!"

**_And back to Present..._**

"Yeah, those were the good old days. Now back to killing each other or leaving people to die! I'm doing the latter." Starscream says.

Than in a flash of sequel energy Starscream flies away.

**_And back to fight..._**

Optimus lays battered, scarred, on the verge of death maybe. But than he looks tp the skies, and see's Transformers has made Box Office Number 1, and the will to fight continues.

"Plug the Duex Ex Machina into me Sam!" Optimus begs.

"So it'll be destroyed along with yourself." Sam suggests.

"No. I'm just tired of having the metallic crap kicked out of me, I'm not gonna take that for more sequels! Just let me end it all! Surely you can't screw that up!" Optimus begs again.

"O.K. Kill Optimus Prime, easy enough. Kill Optimus. Kill Optimus. Kill, Megatron.

"Oh why do I bother!" Optimus cries out.

"You think you can kill me human! You're nothing to me." Megatron laughs.

"No! You're nothing to me! You know who I am! I'm Shia Le Bouf! Miranda Cosgrove has a crush on me! That might sound a lot but considering how The lovable writer also has a crush on her, in this universe that's a big thing! I'm the guy who wrecked a hundred childhoods in Iniana Jones 4: Indiana Jones Jr! I'm the guy who worked for Disney, as their poster boy, and got out alive! I'm like the Brothers Jonas only I have talent! If anyone is going to die here! It's You!"

And, in a move that the entire Autobot army couldn't do, Optimus Prime couldn't do. The entire US government couldn't do. And crashing into the Earth into sub-zero temperatures couldn't do. One former Disney poster boy does with little trouble.

"I'm sorry brother." Optimus Prime sighs.

"We're brothers now?" Megatron wonders, than dies.

**_To be Concluded..._**


	8. Chapter 8

**_It's 9:10pm in Britain, I'm gonna shave at 10pm than go to bed, can I complete this work in that time, well it's 9:11 now, so go!_**

_"And that was the News at 10. So to conclude are news, an entire city was destroyed in LA, presumably countless celebrities were killed and the economy is likely to suffer. We can confirm we have no idea what did it, but it definitely wasn't giant transforming killer robots. In better news, 2 of the Jonas Brothers were killed and the other has became an alcoholic."_

**_At GI JOE HQ, AKA The pit...._**

"Sir! The crisis is over, though many lives were lost." Breaker tells General Hawk.

"Great. Well they don't need us anymore." General Hawk replies.

"But sir...."

"I think you'll find that The Simpson's is on, in HD!"

"Than lets GO JOE!" Ripcord yells.

**_With the Transformers..._**

Optimus looks to the Sun, and monologues to nobody in particular...

"With the death of the Duex Ex Machina, we can do nothing interesting or anything exciting until a new plot device comes along. Until than, to anybody out there, there are 4 sweaty battered male auto bots who haven't seen a female in millenniums. If you happen to be female, seriously stay away, we don't know what we'll do, but I'm sure a fan-fic writer will eventually think of it."

**_In the Pentagon (I doubled back for this segment so it's 9:31 now)_**

"After the recent incident, we decided the only logical option would be to destroy the organisation which knows most about the Transformers." Pentagon Official concludes.

"So we're more defencless than we were to begin with! Brilliang! What about Megatron?" President Bush asks.

"We did what we do with the real outcome to the 2000 election, Nuclear Weapons we don't need anymore, and the original script to Star Wars Episode 2: Jar Jars Big Adventure. We dumped it the sea somewhere and left it."

"It's the perfect solution!"

**_Meanwhile with Sam and Megan Fox (it's 9:22 by the way)_**

"Wow, this is so erotic, making out on top of Bumblebee." Megan Fox growls seductively.

"I know. It's kind of like making out on top of a giant fat person, only they could kill you at any moment. That so turns me on." Shia Le Bouf explains.

"Wow, you're being really frisky tonight Shia." Megan giggles.

"That's not me." Shia says nervously.

"Than who is it............... Oh DEAR SWEET GOODNESS IT'S BUMBLEBEE!"

**_The End, and they'll all live happily ever after for another, oh, few months till Transformers 2 comes out..._**

**_It's 9:40 now so I'll just double back and edit it up a little, (time passes) 9:48 and I'm done, wait, missed a spelling error, O.K, now I'm done._**

**_Well if I bother to watch Tranformers 2 when it comes out rather than waiting 2 years till the TV airing I might do the sequel Transformers: Revenge of another Plot Device: Abridged._**

**_Until than I'm off to shave and drink Orange Juice like it's Vodka._**


End file.
